We said good-bye to our youth pastor and his wife recently. Aaron and Cheryl have served the families of our congregation at Bethany for many years. There were several events to honor them. We laughed, cried, and shared precious memories and words of thanks with Aaron and Cheryl. One young woman said, “I am literally alive because of you two.” People of several generations spoke of what this precious couple has meant to them and to their children.
Aaron and Cheryl have been a great blessing to our family. Aaron led the youth group where our children grew through their teenage years. When we drove a van full of middle school boys to church on Wednesday nights we knew they would have fun and hear about Jesus. Aaron and Cheryl led our older two children in mission trips to Czech. They shepherded our Kerith and Jake through their engagement and early marriage. David and I enjoyed deep conversations with them as we walked together through difficult and glorious seasons over the past ten years.
And now God has called Aaron out of vocational church ministry into vocational counseling. We have witnessed the hand of God in this transition.
On Aaron’s final day in the church office I got to witness a few moments I hope I never forget.
Because of Aaron’s policy to have another female in the office while he meets with a female teen or adult, I have had the privilege of sitting in on a few conversations with him. I want to tell you about this particular one with Sarah.
Sarah is a young woman in our Bridge (young adults) Sunday school class. Over the last few years she has bravely journeyed through the loss of several loved ones, including the passing of her best friend from cancer. She has opened up about the grief she experienced from the abrupt closure of her beloved church when she was in high school, and the difficult time she had integrating into our youth group when she came as a senior. She’s worked to heal from the betrayal of a youth pastor in her old church who, after he moved to another location, was convicted of sexual misconduct with girls in his youth group.
How could Sarah trust a minister again after such a betrayal of trust? What would the long process of forgiveness look like? How would she go on after suffering grief upon grief? Sarah and I have talked about these questions.
Aaron and others in our church family were also part of Sarah’s journey as she began to share her hurt and ask hard questions. As time went on, Sarah felt more seen, heard, valued and affirmed.
On the last office meeting between Aaron the pastor and Sarah the young adult, Sarah went through her list of questions and concerns as usual and then said, “I can’t let you go until I give you this lecture.”
Sarah stood, walked to the middle of the small office, looked intensely at Aaron, and gripped her notebook with both hands. With flushed face and voice raised she gave him what she called her “Conditions for Leaving.”
You WILL love your family.
You WILL take care of them.
You WILL NOT harm others.
You WILL NOT abuse your authority.
If you are struggling, you WILL seek help.
You WILL seek God's will in all things.
That's how you will honor us at Bethany.
I cannot describe the power I experienced in the few moments it took Sarah to give her speech. It was as if a young prophetess had taken some of her pain and hard-won understanding and turned it into a wise warning and a blessing.
Aaron responded with gratefulness and with a promise to follow these conditions. I have no doubt that he has, and that he will, live this way.
I also heard Sarah’s speech as a plea for us all. If we want to honor God, we will love and care for our families, we will not harm others or abuse our authority, we will seek help when we are struggling, and we will seek God’s will in all things.
Preach it, Sarah. Preach it!